How To Deal With Your Boss If He Is In Love with You

Love transcends boundaries. Your boss may be in love with you because he is human. And humans have feelings. It may happen. He may show his admiration to you by flirting, sending you random texts, looking at you longer than expected, and asking you to hang out with him. For some, this kind of advance may seem beneficial. For others, it may be a cause of discomfort. That is because workplace relationships may fuel stories of scandals and sensationalism. Such a relationship could also affect your average workplace performance. Precisely, it may cause potential difficulties within your work environment.

According to Art Markman, a professor of psychology, at the University of Texas, there are explainable reasons why coworkers fall in love with each other. According to him, coworkers spend a lot of time together at work. Due to the working environment, which puts them close, there are chances that romantic relationships are going to grow. Amy Nicole Baker, an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven, also adds that a working environment makes people familiar with each other. It’s, therefore, likely that they’ll be attracted to one another. Knowing the outs and ins of how to manage your boss’s attraction to you can save your work and life. Here are nine ways of dealing with your boss’s love for you;

If you decide to get into a romantic relationship with your boss, know that it may lead to a reduction in efficiency and production. Other employees may also think you are being given special favours, thus making them unhappy and uncooperative with you. It may also jeopardize the reputation of the company and get you fired.

According to research carried out by Amy Baker, workers who witnessed their boss flirting with a coworker said they felt less satisfied with their job and less valued by their company. They gave a negative appraisal of the work environment and considered leaving. So to make life easier and comfortable for people around you, set boundaries with your boss. It may seem unromantic, but you need to talk about how to have conversations while at work to avoid risks. You need not let work tensions spill into your relationship. Lay down rules on how you’ll talk about your relationship at work to prevent you from getting fired.

Before acting on your feelings, think about the dangers. There may be a chance that such a relationship won’t work out. As a result, you may hurt your feelings. If, for instance, you start a relationship and break up, prepare for the next step. It may be harrowing, but it may force you to open up to your other coworkers about the break-up.

Also, remaining professional with your boss in case of a break up may be tricky. You may be civil as if nothing ever happened. However, if you have to continue working with your boss, it may be more complicated and excruciating. As a result, you may need to resign or transfer to another department.

There may be conflicts of interest too. If you and your boss are dating, you may find yourself putting your interests first. That may jeopardize your work and reputation. And if your boss decides to give you a promotion, it may create an alternate explanation of why you are succeeding.

3. Evaluate your intentions

If, with the risks involved, you still want to have a relationship with your boss, be clear on your preferences. According to research by Amy Baker, your coworkers’ reactions to your relationship reflects their beliefs in your motives. If they perceive that you are seeking that relationship to serve your own needs, get a promotion in the company, or for your excitement, they will think less favourably of you.

On the other hand, if they perceive that your relationship’s basis is genuine love and care for each other, they are likely to be positive. It’s, therefore, essential to know why you want to have a relationship with your boss before considering entering into it. Having positive intentions may help to guard you against being hurt should you break up, and the romance ends.

4. Know your company’s policies

Many companies restrict their employees from dating their bosses, coworkers, vendors, customers, or suppliers. Others may be lax if you and the person you are dating are in different departments. Your organization may require you to declare your relationship to them or face repercussions. You, therefore, need to do an investigation and be sure before you start a relationship. Follow the rules and try to understand why they are in place. Ignoring them may make you violate a policy and risk losing your job. However, if you’ve already broken the rules, you need to come out clean so that you don’t face worse consequences.

[Read More: Dating with your boss – Is it a taboo yet?]

Though you may think that your boss’s feelings for you is beneficial, it has its disadvantages. According to Markman, even if you have the best of intentions, it’s not a good idea to get involved with someone who is in your chain of command. From research, the results aren’t good. Because of conflicts of interest, your boss may not give you an honest performance review since he loves you. The fact that you are unduly favoured may also ruin your confidence and hurt your team’s morale.

If you don’t want to experience all these difficulties, you need to let down your boss gently. Find a neutral place to meet him and have a professional conversation with him. Ensure you keep your calm and don’t overreact. Explain to him that you respect him and would want to have a professional work relationship with him. In case this doesn’t work, you may want to consider transferring to another department or getting a new boss.

If you decide to have a relationship with your boss, be open with it. It may be a bit of hard advice to follow, especially if you are not sure how it will end. However, research shows that opening up about your relationship reduces awkwardness and increases the likelihood of people around you being positive. After all, even if you don’t tell anybody, they’ll still figure it out. It’s also essential to continue working as expected even after letting the cat out of the bag. In that way, you’ll not be under extra scrutiny from management for any conversation or promotion that comes from your lover boss.

Dating your boss may make both of you throw caution to the winds. You, therefore, need to remember that though you are in a relationship, you are professionals who are working in the same organization. Ensure that you treat one another as coworkers just as you did before dating. Never flirt, kiss, or hug if it will make other colleagues uncomfortable. Be career-focused so that you don’t impact your job. Talk to your HR so that you are not put on the same project as it may affect the reviews you get. If controlling yourselves in the workplace is difficult, one of you can look for another job in a different organization.

If you decide to get involved with your boss, remember that you are still an employee. Instead of taking advantage of your relationship to slack off assignments, strive to do better. It’s better to spend more effort and energy on your work, knowing that your love has your back. Use the support he gives you to improve yourself and impress your better half by getting things done. It will make you and your boss look better and avoid criticisms from other employees.

Falling into a loving relationship with your boss may cause excitement. It may seem to you that you are in a prestigious relationship that you start bragging about to your colleagues. Having your boss as a lover may get into your head. However, remember, you are still not the president or queen of the land. Be humble. You’ve just fallen in love with a person who also happens to be your boss. Be careful not to let pride affect your attitude. If your lover asks you to perform a work-related task, do it because it’s your responsibility. Don’t act as if you are doing it to help your coworkers. You also need to maintain your relationship with your coworkers. Don’t make them feel worried that you may report things they do to the boss.

Before contemplating rewarding your boss’s advances with a relationship, you need to consider the complications involved. Ensure that your relationship does not hinder your productivity at work. You also need to avoid flirtatious talk and behaviour while at work. Remember to be humble if you choose to be in a relationship with him or her. If you experience complications balancing work and the relationship, move to another department, so you don’t work under your sweetheart. It’s only romantic relationships that are emotionally sound, authentic, and respectful that will sustain scrutiny and result in success and satisfaction both on and off work.