It is easy to fall in love, and also easy to break it whenever you feel like. But does saying the word “break”, deletes all the feelings you had? All the memories you had with that person? No, it just breaks the physical bond you both shared. Not an emotional connection. Our brain works like a computer but, the body is the reflection of the chemical messenger that is the hormones, interacting with each other. We are not callous as computers, obviously. We feel, we respond, and sometimes these feelings really take a toll on a life. It is never so easy to forget a person unless they are not so important to you. But sometimes “separations paves way for a new beginning”. And to embrace the new beginning you need to forget the past.
Some people book an exceptional space in our heart. They get access to the deepest, unexplored places in your heart. A place where no one ever reached before. Unfortunately, when they leave, they render that special place empty. Forgetting that notable person can be strenuous. It can and will exhaust you daily. Depending on the extent of attachment people take time to move on or in simple words, forgetting someone important. If honestly said there is no handbook or a set of pre-defined rules for forgetting someone important. But still, we can try the undermentioned ways.
The very first as well as a basic approach to forget someone important is to submit yourself to the fact that the person which you considered as permanent and most important don’t feel the same way now. Even subtle loss can trigger a sense of grief. Remember losing your favourite pen in school or losing your favourite earrings somewhere. Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be presented as the emotional suffering people go through when a loved one is taken away. It can be devastating to even think about it. But the fact is, it has already happened. The situation doesn’t stay the same always. So what we can do is allow ourselves to grieve. Grieving not only takes out all the sadness, also it makes you feel lighter. Moreover, we should not try to force any kind of made up behaviour or attitude towards it. Most of the people feel it’s weak to cry and let your feelings out. Instead what they do is they pretend that everything is fine on the outside while it’s consuming them from the inside. One thing we all should be familiar with is that acceptance is the most important component in moving on. We should keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person is unique in their own way. Similarly, we know that each person is already a perfect version of themselves.
Additionally, we should also understand the fact that grieving is very personal and every individual has their way of handling it. But to get into this phase first we need to allow ourselves to grief in the first place!
2. Letting out in our own way
Fear of judgement is the most common form of fear that people carry throughout their lives. When we lose someone and to forget that person we need to let our emotions and feelings out. But people hold it as it’s brave to hold the things which should come out. Let’s think of an example, suppose you breathe in and then if you try to hold the breath that was supposed to come out. It will be painful. So we need to let it out. Not like anyway but in our own way too. As we know that suffering is very personal. So to forget someone important we need to release all of those unrequited emotions naturally. Every individual has their own way of thinking, in simple words people have a unique thought process. Therefore because of this, every person should let out their emotions as per themselves. But what people do is they see others and think if that person can handle it so nicely then I should also be able to do it the same way. Stop there! What if that person Is pretending. We can never know what is behind the curtains.
So cry all you want. Crying can never be a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to cry and let it out. People do feel better after crying. It’s like the tipping of the bucket full of sadness. By doing this you are releasing all your emotions in the environment. Most of the people resort to writing in these scenarios. As we know that writing can be the most effective way to utilize your grief. You can literally pour your heart out through words.
3. Talking to someone you trust
Initially, it may develop many questions in your mind. Whether to your thing or not? Will you sound like a cry baby to them? Before thinking all these just think do you cry before everyone you meet? No. We often cry in front of people with whom we are totally comfortable. So people generally resort to that person whom they trust. Talking as well as letting your feelings out with someone you trust helps you feel light. We find ourselves with a little less of sadness and misery after talking to someone we trust. Venting in front of someone like this doesn’t necessarily mean that you are looking for an all in one solution to your misery. But all it does is that you feel automatically better. Sometimes that person can be your family member or in some cases, it can be your closest friend. In conclusion, talking your feelings out will consequentially help you feel better.
4. Use Distractions
Though distraction is a negative word but it highly depends on how the word is used. In our particular situation distraction is a good word. Distraction should not be like “I need to forget him/her”, a constant hammering of this thought. We should distract ourselves with something to feel less pain. If people will look closely, there are plenty of things which we can use as distractions. We can always resume our hobbies like painting or dancing or singing. Most of us people leave our hobbies in this rapid rush of life. So one can utilize this time to resume and go back to their personal creative world. Grab some pizzas with your friends. Try out a new makeover. Buy that pet which you always wanted to buy or learn that extracurricular activity which you always wanted to do. If people want to have fun, then travelling is the best way of distraction. Go to that hill station where you always wanted to go. You will feel automatically distracted but in a good way. People can also start watching a new series. In the end, it comes down to taking your mind off the negative things residing in your mind.
5. Remains removal
In the process of forgetting someone you need to remove the things which reminds you of them. And by things I mean every possible connection. Many of you may want to keep certain ‘remnants of your love’, so you can keep those things in areas out your reach, until you get unaffected by those things. Generally, after separation people have the tendency to go back to chats, read the chats. But what’s the outcome of this? You become more vulnerable. You become emotional and a series of flash back starts coming in your mind. You start playing the blame game. You blame the situation, the person, yourself, and every possible thing which makes you hurt. You may possibly start questioning your destiny. How all these sound to you? Does it sound enthusiastic? No. Just by reading the above lines makes your mind so serious and sorrowful. Then do you think you’ll be able to live your life to the fullest with this mind set? Never. So, you should be your first priority above all. To accomplish this you need to remove all the connections with that persons.
5.1 Social media
As we all are familiar with that social media is the most common form of connection we have to any other person. So the very first step would be to block that particular person from all your social media platforms. For example, if you are having their contact number, make sure you block them from your mobile phone. If you are connected with them through WhatsApp, Instagram or even Facebook, remove them. Not only this if you are having mutual friends who might post pictures of them, remove them too. At least till the time you are comfortable with it. Otherwise, it might trigger unpleasant memories which you rather don’t want to relive. It can be hard doing all these, but if you want to forget that person then there is no better way to start than this.
5.2 Gifts and other items
Commonly, the person you want to forget has gifted you numerous things. But to move on you have to remove those items from your life too. If you are keeping them, means you don’t want to. It can be really hard to do this. But if we want to remove that person from our lives then we need this. We can do either of the things. We can put together all the gifts, cards as well as mementoes in a box to keep it locked in an unreachable place or we can donate them. If we will not do these then we’ll be locked inside an infinite loop of memories of that person. Lastly, if people still want to keep their things while not being bothered, giving them to a close friend for safekeeping is suggested.
5.3 Common Hangout places
Since you want to forget that person completely. It is highly recommended that places of common hangouts should be avoided at every level strongly. As seeing the place frequently is like seeing the person frequently you want to forget will just mess up your head. It will also bring you to ground zero in the field of progress that you have made till now. Avoid their favourite hangout spots. The lesser you go there the more are your chances to get over them. There is no shortage of restaurants or clubs. One can always discover new hangout places. It would be fun.
5.4 Try finding some new memories
This can also be one of the approaches to getting over a person. You can always replace your gloominess with new memories that are full of life. Reach out to your friends who have always been there for you. With friends, you can plan a trip or a dinner party. You can always recreate those happy memories that you always wanted to live. Try going to a new place that you’ve never visited. Try doing out new and adventurous things. Doing these will surely make new as well as happy memories for you. Which in turn will provide you with plenty of memories. Always make sure whenever you are being haunted by the old sad memories, you start thinking of all the new and happy ones.
6. Moving on with your life
Life is already short as it is. Wasting it on unworthy things is always a waste of it. We should make sure our life is defined by good and happy memories. Memories that are made with your friends and families, which I can be sure of will consist of happiness.
7. Cherish the good things
Humans are weird. Human brain functions in a different manner. It is designed to remember millions and millions of things. But the special trait it has is its ability to remember negative memories. It’s no wonder that it is its defence mechanism. Yes, you read it right. Our brain is specifically designed to remember negative memories rather than the good ones. In this hustle, we often forget to acknowledge all the good things that are currently going on in our lives. If for a moment we keep aside all those sad memories, then we will be able to see the good ones also.
Expressing gratitude to all the positive things in our life is very important and is strongly suggested. Only if we accept that our life is going good, irrespective of what’s happening just because of that particular person, then we’ll be able to process the good in our life.
8. Present is more reliable
It’s extremely important to focus on our present rather than focusing on what’s already gone. Life is short and we should always focus on what’s in our present. We all know the fact that we cannot change the past. Also, we cannot control the future. So, the only thing that we have in our control is our present. We should pay close attention to this. One can try to be involved in various physical exercises. Physical exercise can refresh you at a different level. Focus on your present so that your future would be well established. Otherwise, you’ll be blaming yourself. People can learn new capabilities when focusing on the present. It can be difficult focusing on the present while having so much to process from your past. But, it’s the best thing we can do in these situations.
9. Forgiving without an apology
Rest assured that you will not be receiving an apology for your loss. People are not that ideal in today’s scenario. Besides, it’s very difficult to forgive which doesn’t have an apology attached to it. But people should try to forgive. People need to forgive and let go of the hurt that they are carrying since the loss. This kind of weight can bring you down in no time. Learn to let go of the hurt and to forgive without receiving an apology for the same. It’s right to think that the person for your suffering does not deserve your forgiveness. But, keep in mind one thing that this forgiveness is not for them, in fact, it is for you. You might be angry, so let it out to a friend or close one. Else write it down somewhere and then throws the letter in the trash. Otherwise holding a grudge will not do any good to you. It will only hurt you more. You know the saying that “the more you try to hold on to the rope the more your hands get blisters”. But just keep one thing in mind, i.e. Don’t forgive until you are ready to forgive. Otherwise just saying or assuming things is not at all right at these times. In the end, always try to be the bigger person. It takes a lot to be a better person. The reverse is also true. It takes nothing to be a smaller person.
10. Make your life remarkable
After the passage of a certain amount of time, you will realise that you have invested much of your time living in the past. Instead, you could have a focus on the positives. Of course, you have plenty of things, in fact, good as well as promising things in your life also. You just don’t see it. Take out some time for yourself and plan out things that you have planned for your future. It’s time to act on them. Join some creative clubs of your interests. Which can help you shape your future well and good. Try to focus on your studies more. Or if you are employed then focus on increasing your productivity in your office. These are the best way to utilize your time. Everyone wants a good as well as a promising career. It should be our topmost priority. One can also pursue their field of interests. For example, some people are better in some extracurricular activities like event management. It’s highly advised to follow our interests. In the end, our work and efforts on ourselves only stay with us and nothing else remains. Sports can also be one of the fields of interest. Nowadays sports is becoming prominent. There are plenty of opportunities available for almost every age group of people. One can take up their choice of sports for their profession. Just make sure you implement all these things in order to have a desirable future.
11. Make new connections
Everyone requires a set of change in their lives. Let it be a small scale change or a large scale change. Making new connections plays a very important role in your personality development. More people you meet the more various types of attributes you gain for yourself. Always have a never-ending attitude towards learning new things. Try to make connections with future-oriented people who have a sense of living. You can join various kind of clubs where you can meet new people. Precisely meeting new people and discovering new things can help you move on easily. Meeting new people will also make you realize a lot of things about yourself too. You will discover more surprising traits related to you. Only when you are exposed to different situations, you will get to know all the new talents you been hiding under your hood. During this process, you will also be getting to move to new places. A new place means new people and new people means new discoveries. It will also help you move on and your mind.
The above-mentioned ways are some of the ways which you can try to overcome the feelings and the memories you had with the person. But the truth is, deeper is the connection, more time it takes to go from your heart. And also it is the truth, that you cannot forget someone completely. Even after a long time, there exist the remnants of their memories. It is just that; it gradually starts getting to sediment deep into your heart. Amid this, the best part of your dark time is that “it will also pass”. It may prove difficult for some people to get over their past. Sometimes the things mentioned may fail to heal your internal wounds when you are very deeply connected to someone. At this phase of your life, you can consult a psychologist for your betterment. The major problem you face at this time is the “lack of self-confidence”. This is the result of the separation you are unable to accept from that person. Some of us are unable to help ourselves at these phases. And here, you should allow others, whom you trust, to help you out of this situation. Instead of running from the crowd, you should try to become a part of it. You must have realized that when you are with your pals, even for that moment only, but you are you there. Completely enjoying the present. So, it is not that hard to deal once you train your brain like that. You need to understand, that you need to be fulfilled by own self first. Life is full of surprises, and everything happens for a reason. Past is the history, future is the mystery, and today is the ‘present’. Stop holding any grudge against that person, ‘forgive and forget”. The best way to move forward in your life. After all, you are the designer of your life.
Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing it at its most brilliant- Paulo Coelho