When the afternoon turns grayish blue, you sense what is coming. A rain of wet emotions that slide down your skin, you can even feel the droplets soak the cotton on your shirt, which gradually transpires.
The shower has done you so well, the clean smell emanates from your pores. LP accompanies you with his soft and melodious voice, Lost On You has always been one of your favorites. In the darkness, you have drawn the curtain, you hide in the shadows.
It rains outside and morale is gone. You sit at the desk, turn on the computer. The light emitted by the screen could harm you, it shines so bright, blinding you. You wait for it to start, anxiety makes you turn that way. When the desktop finally appears, you look at the background, a summer landscape, shaking your head, you quickly search for the same page as always. You start the session, with icy hands, you observe the large number of beautiful girls, who are shown in the catalog, you look only for a few moments.
[Read More: What Makes A Great Supporting or Side Character?]
The design of the page is cloying, the vivid pink and red tones make your vision cloud, each painting offers something different, innocent smiles, tongues out, fetishes everywhere. Even so, that section is not the one that interests you, you enter the section of exclusive clients and you look for your girl, at that moment it is not available.
Slightly disappointed, but that bittersweet feeling doesn’t take long to go, she’s always there. Looking at the clock, you realize that, as always, you arrive very early, it is not yet her schedule and she is always very punctual.
Moving your legs from one side to the other, waiting, your patience runs out, sighing, trying to be calm, “she is always here”. You look down, you decide to check your email in the meantime, there is nothing relevant, there is not much to do. You stand up, turn off the music, turn on the light, only to turn it off again, you go to the kitchen for some wine, for the nerves.
A smart, successful man. Dedicated to her work and yet, being able to have anyone, you would cancel everything, just by seeing her. Sometimes it is exciting, sometimes painful, determined to achieve something you do not understand very well, you are there, simply, in front of the computer waiting for her to appear.
You came to the page through a friend, a huge network of webcam models, people who are dedicated to pleasing an audience.
After a few seconds, you realize that you are already online, your heart jumps with emotion. Without wanting to miss a single second, without blinking, you zoom in slightly on the screen. Biting your lips, your pulse flutters like you actually see her in person.
You vaguely think of the last memory you had with Katherine, only two years had passed.
Venice, sweet Venice, that magical city that was now her home, witnessed their encounter. You were just a 22-year-old young man, recently moved, an American raised in Georgia, thirsty to achieve his dreams as a writer and that the name of Matthew Jones was on the covers of great best sellers. You never thought that in that first week in the city I would get you there.
It was a cold morning, you still did not fully understand the maps or the directions, but that did not matter much to you, little by little you would learn the language and adapt, it would only be a matter of time, everything would improve, and boy did it happen. You went out to buy groceries, you lived in a modest neighborhood in the center of Venice, enough to feel the culture and magic that the city emanated
When you returned home, you went through a library, it would not hurt a couple of books in Italian to adapt better, you entered, you saw the shelves full of unmatched titles, but, something distracted you, deep down, deep down, you were perplexed , you saw it. I was there, reading Ulysses, sitting at a small table by a window, an image so angelic that you could not stop observing, it was such a majestic scene to watch. You were afraid, you did not want to bother or be rude, you took a couple of books and very awkwardly, they fell to the floor by accident, action followed, she got up to help you.
Katherine, dear Katherine, that was her name, he said when he very kindly gave you the books on the floor, you were absorbed, dumbfounded, that did not seem real.
Dark blonde hair to the hips, eyes as black as night, skin as white and smooth as a porcelain pot, red lips, like the lipstick of a rose. Heaven would have been jealous to be compared to his eyes. That afternoon only a coffee and a chat were enough to make your heart go so crazy for her, she was your guide, she helped you with the language, she quickly became a great help. Every day they spent a couple of hours together, she said that she should work, just like you, you were afraid of being intrusive, you didn’t ask her much about her, her company was enough.
Days turned weeks, weeks months, 6 months, to be more exact. They stayed every day in the same cafe, at the same time, at the same table.
But one day, he did not return.
He did not answer calls, messages, he had evaporated.
Days passed, weeks passed, she was gone. Loneliness had taken over your writings, your stories and your poems, now all the verses were gone.
You had made friends thanks to her, you had made a social life for her, you had learned the language thanks to her, and simply, one day she disappeared.
And that was how you had reached the point of seeking consolation of affection in erotic pages, in images that made you think of someone other than her, but right there, it was where she appeared.
A month passed, since you saw her on that page for the first time, she was so different, she had shorter hair, she was thinner and she tried to discourage her accent, but ultimately, it was her. And now, you were there, waiting for his show to start, for him to start modeling in front of the screen, lingerie or some flirtatious costume of those that fit him so well, the theme of the page was to see for a couple of minutes, after This, towards an auction, whoever won would get a two-hour session with her alone.
At first it was hard for you to accept that others could see her, it was somewhat annoying, but, you could not judge her, you just wanted her care, you wanted answers. You were already a successful man, you had sold a couple of stories to some publishers and sales were the best, you had no reason to complain about life, except for not having her. The session had started, she looked very flirtatious in a bunny outfit, greeting for a moment, she took a look at her outfit, right there, the auction would start. Some offered hundreds of dollars, you were not going to participate so quickly, you would have serenity, you had a plan, it would work. When she was going to dictate the winner, an idiot who would pay just $ 250, you typed quickly. You saw her frozen, I could not believe it, it was $ 400 that someone would pay just to see her, since nobody was proposing for more, she gave a farewell greeting and kindly said that she would go to your chat for her session.
Quickly, you looked for a little more wine to gather the courage to tell him it was you, fear and anxiety were present.
I was already on the other side of the screen, she could not see you, but if I heard you, I was afraid to activate the camera as soon as possible, I greet you with a kiss, she looked as beautiful as ever ..
“You’re not going to talk to me darling?” His voice was soft, full of tenderness, a tenderness that went so well with his outfit, you didn’t want to distract yourself, but he made it so difficult.
-Of course, I just can’t stop looking at you.
-You answered, much calmer than you imagined, you could not stay like a ghost.
“Do you have in mind what you want to do?” Her tone was provocative, she took off her bunny ears and untied her hair, she looked stunning.
-I want us to talk for a while … -You didn’t want to sound rude, relieving the atmosphere before the news would be the best.
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?” She settled herself sensually in an armchair that was behind her, she seemed to be deeply involved in that role, that was not the Katherine that you remembered. -Can’t I see you?
You hesitated for a moment, the policies of the page said that she could not leave if you had already paid, you had, there was nothing to lose.
“Sure, give me a moment to turn on the light…” You sounded distant, gone, you got up gently, turned on the light, blinding yourself for a few minutes. Returning to the computer, you turned on the camera, there was no going back. His gaze was lost for several minutes watching, staring at you, not a word came out of his lips, not to any movement.
-You will not say anything?- “How did you find me Matthew?” It was fast and accurate, apparently, only you knew she was there, you felt somewhat guilty, but you needed answers. -It was not intentional, that he could have sworn to you ..- You said, so sorry. “Does anyone else know I’m here?” She looks worried, terrified.
-Nobody, just me … Katherine I just want to know that you’re fine, what happened to you, what happened to us?
-Give me a minute, I don’t want you to see me like this …- He got up from the chair, walked to another side of the room, lasted a couple of minutes, returned with a knee-length shirt, without makeup, with his hair on his side. It couldn’t look better.-Do you have time …? –
-I give you a lifetime if you want it … – She blushed and laughed sweetly. -Just one day I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed to get out of Venice, I looked very bad Matthew, there are so many things I wanted to tell you but I never could, I feel so sorry to have you here now like this, that you saw me like this … –
-One day you just disappeared Kath … -And it hurts, it hurts to have lost you .. -A tear rolled down his cheek, that broke your heart in an abysmal way.
-“I’m still here for you, everything has led me to you …” You confessed.
You were still and would be there for her as many times as necessary, your heart and your whole being were still beating for her return, to hear her laugh again.
Love did not understand motives or reasons, you would be there for her as many times as necessary for her to get ahead, you had to help her, how to help her find her way and be happy just as she had done with you long ago.
You were there for her.