Most people, if not all, consider cheating, an ultimate act of betrayal. Notably, because trust is the bedrock that relationships are built on – yours included. Coping with cheating suspicions is not an easy thing. It tortures you mentally and drains you physically. Studies show that levels of infidelity are on the rise.
You may be worried about how to find out if your partner is cheating. On the other hand, you may suspect they are cheating because of odd occurrences that suggest they are having an affair. Signs of cheating may be different in every relationship. However, there are common signs that may indicate your partner isn’t being faithful. Here are 15 top signs that you can look out for, to know if your partner is cheating;
1. Your partner treats you like a friend and not a lover
Jonathan Bennet, a certified dating coach, advises that if your partner interacts with you less romantically and flirty, it’s a red flag. Moreover, if they no longer use endearing words like ‘honey’ or ‘babe’ when conversing, maybe they’ve relegated you to the friend zone.
On top of that, you need to be concerned if your partner invites you out for drinks, and calls the invites ‘outings’ and not ‘dates’. It may seem they are playing it cool. Chances are they don’t call them dates because they don’t consider them so.
2. They use their computers or phones secretively
When your significant other is having an affair behind your back, they may use their computers and phones more frequently. Additionally, they may guard these gadgets as if their lives depend on them. Have they changed their passwords? Are their phones kept in silent mode? They’re doing this to avoid answering questions about anonymous texts and calls. Consequently, if you notice that they are suddenly deleting texts and clearing browser histories daily, it’s time to ask yourself serious questions. What are they hiding from you?
3. Disappeared relationship status
Has your partner changed their relationship status on Facebook? If they have, your relationship may be far from rock solid. Cheating partners often use this tactic to signal potential lovers that they’re available. This may be good news for your partner’s Facebook friendslist, but terrible news for you. These are suspicious behaviors that need to raise your eyebrows.
4. Change in work schedule
When your partner who never used to work late before suddenly claims to be working late frequently, they may be covering up their cheating escapades. Don’t get me wrong. If they have been recently promoted or changed their job, you may not need to worry. But if neither of these has happened, you need to be more worried. They may also use other cover-ups such as having flat tires or being delayed by traffic jams, as excuses for reaching home late from work. Paul Coleman, a psychologist, explains that someone who keeps saying they have to work late could be cheating.
5. Expenses that can’t be accounted for
If your partner used to leave his phone bills and credit card statements in the open, then suddenly they become stealthy with them, there’s is something fishy. You may also notice odd charges on their credit cards and less money in their bank accounts. These could be signs of infidelity. Large cash withdrawals for purchases and places you don’t frequent with your partner is not a good sign either. On the other hand, less expenditure could also be a cause for concern. If your spouse, for instance, goes out to parties and doesn’t spend money, she might be going on dates.
6. More, less, or different sex styles in the bedroom
Heightened or decreased levels of sexual activity in your relationship may be a sign of infidelity. Sex expert Robert Weiss explains that less sex could happen because your partner is seeing someone else and being satisfied. On the other hand, more sex could occur because your partner is trying to cover up their cheating habit. Additionally, your partner may introduce new styles or techniques into your sex life. According to Don-David Lusterman, the author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide, it could be possible that your partner is learning those new tricks from someone. If that someone is not you, then it may be another person.
[Read more: 10 Signs That He Doesn’t Love You Anymore]
7. They become mad at you and complain about your relationship
It’s normal to get angry at your partner. However, if your partner all of a sudden is hypercritical and nitpicks on every little thing you do, it may be that they are cheating. Cheaters normally rationalize their behavior by pushing blames on their partners. They may tell you that you’ve changed, or you are no longer adventurous in the bedroom. Moreover, they may claim that you are unappreciative. If it seems that nothing you do is right and that things that bothered your partner suddenly don’t do, it could be you are being pushed away. This is a strong indication of cheating.
8. Less emotional intimacy
It’s good if your partner shares details of their lives with you. It increases your bond and attachment over time. You, therefore, learn to trust each other with your secrets and desires. With a strong emotional intimacy, you and your partner get bonded for long even after the rose stops to bloom. If your partner, however, stops sharing with you details about their daily activities, emotions, and problems, they’re sharing these with someone else. According to Raffi Bilek, the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, sharing is a sign that you are connected and close to your partner. When it deteriorates, it’s a sign you’re becoming disconnected. And this is what happens when your partner is cheating.
9. They are unreachable most of the times
Partners who’ve been together for some time know each other’s schedule. If they’re unreachable, there’s a reason for that. They’re likely not to answer your calls and respond to your text messages. Furthermore, they may give excuses that they were in a meeting or driving. If they are unreachable when working late, or on a business trip, maybe they are cheating on you. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, if your partner doesn’t tell you their whereabouts, something’s up.
10. Sudden change in appearance and grooming
It’s good to know your partner is gussying up to re-ignite the flame in your relationship. However, if you’ve been having problems for a while, this may be wishful thinking. When they suddenly start to exercise and eat healthily, maybe they are trying to be attractive to someone else. It’s something to worry about if they update their hairstyles, shop for new clothes, and wear a different cologne you didn’t help them choose. According to Bennet, if you have a partner who cared less about their appearance, then suddenly they’re cautious about it, they are trying to impress another person.
11. You smell a scent that is not theirs on them
A common way of knowing your partner has been spending time with another person is by checking their clothes for unique scents. These may be from cigarettes (especially when they don’t smoke), a perfume that is not theirs, a wash you’re sure is not from your shower e.t.c. Also, check on lipstick stains on their clothing (red flag!). If they don’t have a reasonable explanation for these, they are cheating.
12. Your partner insists on going out alone
It’s healthy for you and your partner to sometime be apart from each other. However, if the two of you used to go out together, but recently, your partner opts to go out alone, you should be concerned. This may be worse if she chooses going to do her nails over a date with you. Moreover, you should be worried if she ‘claims’ to be going out with friends more frequently in a week. Maybe she’s seeing someone.
[Read More: What to Do If You Are in Love With a Married Woman: The Good, the Bad, and Everything in Between]
13. They avoiding certain places
Have you tried suggesting a certain restaurant for a date night? Did they get excited or nervous? Cheating partners may seem nervous and give you a different suggestion. According to Laura Dabney, a marriage expert and psychotherapist, it could be that your partner and their new lover frequent the place you are suggesting. As a precautionary measure, they don’t want to risk being recognized.
14. Sudden extreme affection and appreciation
When your partner feels guilty about cheating on you, they can act extra nice to cover up. They may suddenly gift you expensive things out of the blue because they want to ease their guilty conscience. According to Charlotte Rivers, a relationship expert, gift-giving is a commonly known way to butter up someone when you feel guilty about something.
15. They ignore you
A cheater may maintain the charade of a happy relationship for a while. Nonetheless, it is difficult for them to do away with their lover’s thoughts. It’s not a good sign to talk to your partner about a particular subject, but instead of responding, they either look at you with dreamy eyes or answer irrelevantly. It suggests that they aren’t paying attention to you because they are thinking about their new flame.
It’s a terrible thing to realize your partner is cheating on you. However, what may be a warning sign in your relationship may not be a matter of concern in another relationship. This is because most signs of cheating are subtle. These 15 signs are some of the indicators that may show something is wrong in your relationship. But its only when your patner’s stories and lies don’t add up that you’ll know they are unfaithful.